Audrey's Meraki

I revive those nights  When our lips were close I could feel your breath On the tip of my nose  The way you stared at me While clasping onto my back  I knew we had our little infinity  Now destroyed, in a moment’s knack My soul was on fire With that gaze in your eyes The love that it contained  Was nothing but lies  You were like the river  Never ever still Never mine to have  Never here to last  For you to be mine  It would require you to stay Which was never your purpose  Did it have to be this way? I had believed in your love  The sugar coated lie Naively and steadily  Never asking any why Scattered like the jigsaw  With its missing puzzles  Are all of my feelings Amongst my heart’s scuffle The darkest pain now buried within my eyes Is the love for you Far greater than the skies - Audrey. C

The demons are awake Retracing my fate I’m killing myself In a slow debate I think of the times My anxieties would rest When all of my face was  Buried in your chest Do you see these scars  That your love has painted I crave to heal them As they were never been tainted Your kisses now adorn Every inch of me on bound  They comfort me on nights When you’re not around  I want to look at you  With a distant longing  To find my heart, the peace Your smile used to bring  Now that you’re gone and I don’t know why But that very thought Still makes me cry Will there be a time? Somewhere down the line Where I don’t have to miss you Or consider you as mine My heart had been misguided To think you’ll be there Now there’s an enormous void Deep deep down somewhere  In this night’s embrace  I console myself  If you’re okay  I’ll be okay too  - Audrey. ...

The pulse has ceased  On a unusual pace Staring at the wall In a closed space  Feelings collided In a confused maze Mirroring the mess by a moist gaze The silence of the midnight  Has cornered around  I only hear my heartbeat  In the dim light, I’m downed A Hundred things to feel Thousand words to say Yet feeling speechless Till dawn of the first ray Suffering the paranoia  Has made my soul ill  The numbness of my heart I reckon could kill  In depths of my fears I dive through this grey  To see every bit of happiness  Quietly fade away. -Audrey. C

Tired of being numb  Living each passing day  Without a single clue  Say something, I’m giving up on you  It breaks my heart  You’re happy without me I can’t think of  What anything more worse could be Any place I see I wanna see you and me Torn by that thought I can’t set myself free  Caged in the darkness Where my demons race  Making me remember  Your ridges my fingers traced I’m here in the middle Shrinking in this state of mind Until I can’t feel anymore And I realise I’ve gone blind I lie on the ground  Staring subtly pale Onto ripped pages  Of my fairy tale  I sought to escape  Now that you’ve gone  But then I find you in melodies Of my favourite song  -Audrey. C

You gave me a reason  To believe in love  How would I know  It was bound to be naive Tell me how it feels  To live without me Do you even yearn In the size of that pea? I filled your cup It wasn’t enough Because I couldn’t fix That fissured rough All those Butterflies! With a blushed face  In a moment of haste They didn’t leave a trace The utmost care  Thinking it was rare! Clueless how it  Turned to a nightmare The feelings you uncared  You will never know And how harder was The very last blow The scars you gave  I will never justify Coz I loved you  Without asking any why An unrealistic fairy tale  In which I believed Where your world was me  And my world was you The only crippling thought Now I strive to shove Because we both perceived  A different idea of love  -Audrey. C

It’s past the midnight The fears have crept in Again thrusting me to darkest place I’ve been Gazing through the depths  In time and space  The agitated apprehension  Commenced an unruly race Every breath fading away none left to sustain The purpose of living  Seems to be in vain Enslaved by despair Betrayed by hope Clinched firmly within the loneliness’s grope Consciously acknowledged From flesh till the bone To every tiny alive nerve None to return love as my own Unfurling this agony  In a conceded coved The heart whispered  Unfit to be loved  -Audrey. C

On the dim light street  I saw you lonely Under the rusted wooden pleat With none as your only It melted my heart  The way you stared  With little brown eyes Longing to be cared As I rushed towards you You leaped in joy To cuddle me in  With a naughty coy Licking off the tiny bits Of powdered biscuits Acknowledging the care With wet nose rubs  and an awed glare This world has been cruel  To take you away With every inch of me I wish you could stay  I wish I could love A little more  Cuddle you longer  To my heart’s core My heart cries now With the thought of you gone To never return Even for the red at dawn I’ll search you in the skies  Amongst stars shining bright  To light my little world  When darkness consumes the night  - Audrey . C