Audrey's Meraki

I never dreamt in my wildest  How grievously I would rue  On feelings I confided in Which were dreadfully deceptive  Yet, I held tight onto them  Until I couldn’t sustain my grip Little did I know, My feelings would be ripped! The pain fiercely slaughtered  Every feeling that had grown  My heart vigorously cracked I could feel it in my bones! My lungs deeply ached Screamed and silently wept Because it was the only piece Of my heart, that was left! Broken and bleeding  It stained my soul  I could still breathe, But will never be whole! I was living a beautiful lie, “Maybe I could be loved”  Inspite of the why’s, My mind had never approved The heart shivers now at the very thought of love I feel buried alive, In an abandoned grave! Broken heart and silent tears Of which life is made up perhaps I’m drowned in this pain With an hypnotic collapse! - Audrey. C

Have you ever wondered  Inside your comfort zone, About lives that are surrendered Lost, forgotten and gone? The breath of freedom, On which you survive.  Is a blessing from the martyrs Has gratefulness not yet revived? Whilst you unnecessary whine, On things not working fine. The blood stains on the ground  Still evidently shine! The silent tears strolling  Of mother’s, daughters and wives Pleading for the return  Of dreadfully lost lives! This agonised wait  Of their only beloved  Now encased in the tricolour  Has left only memories engraved! - Audrey. C

I don’t feel the way I used to, The skies are more grey than blue. I can’t see the sun shining Darker clouds have gathered through. This heart feels the emptiness  With thoughts in brutal mess. The sting of anxiety   I still cannot suppress. I don’t feel the way I used to, My peace has gone with you. I crave for belonging These feelings can’t bid adieu. The uneasy loneliness  Is killing me with a steady pace.  Even amongst a bunch of people Only abandonment I do trace. I don’t feel the way I used to, My heart is burning through. Every last piece that’s left, In a rapid fierce spew. - Audrey. C

Ingredients : Egg 1 large Castor or Brown Sugar 1/4 cup Vanilla essence  Almond essence Salt 1/2 tsp Baking Soda 1/2 tsp Butter 1/2 cup Dutch Cocoa powder 1/4 cup Granulated Sugar 1/2 cup Flour 1-1/2 cup White Chocolate Procedure : Beat the egg till fluffy.  Add Castor sugar and mix until white and creamy. Add Vanilla and Almond essence, Salt, Baking soda and Cocoa powder. Blend until smooth. Add granulated sugar and flour. Mix well and make small doughs. Add toppings like white chocolate chips/chunks. Preheat the oven at 180 degrees and Bake for 12-15 minutes. Ready to be served after cooled.

The sky’s painted in a grey dye With blues lost from the beautiful eye Awaiting the moon to glint by Will you sing me tonight a lullaby? Low’s have gripped me high My anxiety is in a constant ally Inept to see any hope nearby  Will you sing me tonight a lullaby? My bliss has wrapped in a wry To finding answers of every why My heart’s getting heavier with each sigh  Will you sing me tonight a lullaby? Tell me of things to gratify So wilder thoughts detoxify  I promise a grin will cross by If you sing me tonight a lullaby.  - Audrey. C

NOTE: This composition is dedicated in loving memory of my beloved friend, Mark Sequeira .  When I first met you, I never thought or knew. You would be the one  Amongst very few. I remember those times Of long rides on your bike Another way you’d show it off, On the way to the hike. While on any trip The way you’d complain If I felt tired and sick  Your patience wouldn’t sustain You always made sure I was properly fed Just like a mother Who’d rush to my aid At Times, I was lonely   You gave me your hand  You became a true friend And a beautiful bond spanned You gave me hope and strength  In little ways none could explain When I dealt with grief and utmost unbearable pain For all that you were to me And the joy you brought  Your memories are with me In every single thought I will never hear your voice It all seems like a lie I profoundly miss the way You’d call me...

It’s 4:00 am, yet to dawn Gazing past the window  Thoughts wild and desolate  My anxiety has spawn The fear is real  Deep inside my mind Within feelings surreal Where I’m drowned Listening to the silence Hours have passed  Slowly I’m withering  Longing to belong My demons are still quiet But they won’t let me sleep With dried tears on my pillow Still I silently weep Nobody knows Except the moon  In the midnight sky Who gently tries to croon I sit upright in my solitude Staring at him  Between the skies darkly blued He showed me comfort  conversing with spree Gleaming in the dusk Behind a palm tree  He stayed till the very last Despite thousand miles away from me I wonder now if the moon Comes up every night So the Stars don’t feel alone  In that pretty sight - Audrey.C