Audrey's Meraki

These thoughts all irrational  I do remember this feeling  It just all feels so familiar  Unattainable emotions trailing  For the first time in a while  Hurtling through space and time  I felt soothed and at ease For once, it didn’t feel like a crime  I almost had begun to believe I’d tricked my wayward heart The time resumed its ticking  And beliefs were fallen apart  With nobody to know  And nobody to understand  The tornado I’d been caught in Left no safer space to land  Orbiting around it’s darkness  Caught in the deadly gravity  Succumbing to its power Entangled within my own inanity  Unsettling thoughts and I With its ugly past surge Since the very last lifetime Maybe were fated to converge  Drenched in this anxiety, Ache of every unspoken thought  Would reside within me  Until the day I would rot - Audrey. C

I will search for you in crowds Longing to meet your familiar gaze To see your smile that ignites my own An undying hope my heart will chase On cold evenings, long beach walks In city lights and passing cars On lonely nights and windy roads Whilst I see people wishing on stars I’ll wonder each time how you’ve been  Whether you’re happy, contented and fine  On the days I’ve not heard you closely Thinking if it’s too long since I called you mine My chest feels so empty and weak Tears have tucked in the creases of my eye Thinking about the memories we made Ones I’ll just reminisce as days pass by I now find myself missing you Long before you’re even gone I’ve left a part of me to go with you  So you will not be left alone  Knowing there will exist a space  Without you, very next to me It gives me a weird heart ache Pushing me where I never wanted to be  So one last time, before you go  Talk in a language we can’t speak Cling to me and wrap me with your so...

The sad chats have long left I still can’t claim what’s it that loiters  I don’t think about it everyday It occasionally strikes my mind anyway  You’ve not been forgotten  Is not what I really want to say The fears are still breathing Nothing could shove them away Like all in a fleeting moment  Again I’m drowned in this feeling Abruptly rupturing the wounds  I believed were in a period of healing They come to haunt me steadily At first, It feels like a whisper Then loudening into an echo  In a desperation I can’t let go In an unusual turbulent plight I can remember I’m still breathing Building a gigantic tornado, A colossal ache is hurtling This forsaken love remains  Like old receipts with erased ink Feeling the pain of nowhere to go Caught between each brink  I wonder if it’ll linger forever  Or have the privilege to be Until then possibly I’ll rewrite this pain into a poetry

There’s something still broken  That can’t be fixed on my own A different kind of heartache  I can feel it in my bones It’s almost past the midnight  The clock has struck three Happiness seems to be drifted Far, furthest away from me Wandering through his memories The demons have come along  I’m drowning in him tonight  Listening to our favourite song  Urging me to keep awake While the whole world is asleep This darkness feels like home And in silence the sorrows weep Staring at the blank ceiling  I dream us with wide open eyes Trapped in these illusions And a whirlpool of cruel lies I wrap my arms around me “He’s not coming back”, I hush Rocking myself back to sleep Before the early dawn’s blush - Audrey. C

I’m troubled every hour  I just can’t keep sane You know I’m an over thinker  Would you still want to blame? In search of a glint of hope  Days and years have passed  Some fleeting happy moments  That were bound to never last I may sometimes act hurt  Continuingly sounding screed  But I’m hiding so many wounds  That do not anymore bleed The marks left behind  Are still ugly and fierce If you come too close Your heart they’d pierce You see this stubbornness  That I constantly do wear It may seem idiocy to you  But it shields my soul bare I’m stuck and forbidden  Craving for a crumb of love  That’d stay like a constant  Like the starlit sky above! - Audrey. C

These overpowering thoughts  I’m trying hard to seal  Perhaps it’s easier to smile  Than show what you feel  Inexplicably incessantly existing  Strangest feelings unknown That emerge all at once  Whenever I’m left on my own With every emerging thought  It gets hard to breathe  Perhaps it’s easier to not live  Than let these emotions seethe I keep thinking until when  Thinking doesn’t make sense  It’s destroying me slowly  At my only peace’s expense  Perhaps it’s easier to pretend And act like I’m all fine  Than reveal the unhealed wounds  I’ve from someone I called mine I’ve become unbelievably fragile  Yet, I don’t want anyone to know  I only desire to blandly vanish  And none would even notice me go! - Audrey. C

The red at dawn has awakened  My wretched soul still weary  I force a smile on my face Hiding every ugly scar merely  I deeply conceal the emotions Whose burden I can no longer bear A heartache which is incurable It’s a truth that’s blatantly there  Thoroughly fatigued by the dread Which stubbornly sits within  The battle is to surrender  But to hurt you, would be a sin The subtle content you show  When you look at my smile  Infuses the only will to live Making all sorrow worthwhile  To never show you my scars Is a secret I cautiously hide  So worry leaves your thought Believing the grin perfectly wide Everything that’s now left  Is loneliness and none  A tiny hope lives by because  You are all and only I own Your existence in my life  Is a solemn wish unknown As the purpose to survive  Would be worthless alone - Audrey. C