Audrey's Meraki

The sad chats have long left I still can’t claim what’s it that loiters  I don’t think about it everyday It occasionally strikes my mind anyway  You’ve not been forgotten  Is not what I really want to say The fears are still breathing Nothing could shove them away Like all in a fleeting moment  Again I’m drowned in this feeling Abruptly rupturing the wounds  I believed were in a period of healing They come to haunt me steadily At first, It feels like a whisper Then loudening into an echo  In a desperation I can’t let go In an unusual turbulent plight I can remember I’m still breathing Building a gigantic tornado, A colossal ache is hurtling This forsaken love remains  Like old receipts with erased ink Feeling the pain of nowhere to go Caught between each brink  I wonder if it’ll linger forever  Or have the privilege to be Until then possibly I’ll rewrite this pain into a poetry

There’s something still broken  That can’t be fixed on my own A different kind of heartache  I can feel it in my bones It’s almost past the midnight  The clock has struck three Happiness seems to be drifted Far, furthest away from me Wandering through his memories The demons have come along  I’m drowning in him tonight  Listening to our favourite song  Urging me to keep awake While the whole world is asleep This darkness feels like home And in silence the sorrows weep Staring at the blank ceiling  I dream us with wide open eyes Trapped in these illusions And a whirlpool of cruel lies I wrap my arms around me “He’s not coming back”, I hush Rocking myself back to sleep Before the early dawn’s blush - Audrey. C

I’m troubled every hour  I just can’t keep sane You know I’m an over thinker  Would you still want to blame? In search of a glint of hope  Days and years have passed  Some fleeting happy moments  That were bound to never last I may sometimes act hurt  Continuingly sounding screed  But I’m hiding so many wounds  That do not anymore bleed The marks left behind  Are still ugly and fierce If you come too close Your heart they’d pierce You see this stubbornness  That I constantly do wear It may seem idiocy to you  But it shields my soul bare I’m stuck and forbidden  Craving for a crumb of love  That’d stay like a constant  Like the starlit sky above! - Audrey. C

These overpowering thoughts  I’m trying hard to seal  Perhaps it’s easier to smile  Than show what you feel  Inexplicably incessantly existing  Strangest feelings unknown That emerge all at once  Whenever I’m left on my own With every emerging thought  It gets hard to breathe  Perhaps it’s easier to not live  Than let these emotions seethe I keep thinking until when  Thinking doesn’t make sense  It’s destroying me slowly  At my only peace’s expense  Perhaps it’s easier to pretend And act like I’m all fine  Than reveal the unhealed wounds  I’ve from someone I called mine I’ve become unbelievably fragile  Yet, I don’t want anyone to know  I only desire to blandly vanish  And none would even notice me go! - Audrey. C

The red at dawn has awakened  My wretched soul still weary  I force a smile on my face Hiding every ugly scar merely  I deeply conceal the emotions Whose burden I can no longer bear A heartache which is incurable It’s a truth that’s blatantly there  Thoroughly fatigued by the dread Which stubbornly sits within  The battle is to surrender  But to hurt you, would be a sin The subtle content you show  When you look at my smile  Infuses the only will to live Making all sorrow worthwhile  To never show you my scars Is a secret I cautiously hide  So worry leaves your thought Believing the grin perfectly wide Everything that’s now left  Is loneliness and none  A tiny hope lives by because  You are all and only I own Your existence in my life  Is a solemn wish unknown As the purpose to survive  Would be worthless alone - Audrey. C

The tension builds up When you match my glare  I feel the adrenaline  Rushing through the rare I don’t need to converse  Your admiration speaks The spark is unarguably pure  Evident through my rosy cheeks  I let you invade  With your ardent gaze Reckon it to be dangerous  Immersing in your presence  The addiction is real That lies in your eye I lose myself to you  C’mon, I cannot just lie You blur everything around  The raw chemistry is insane It lits continual sparks Now I can’t myself refrain  I see you so close  I’m forgetting how to breathe  My pulse is acting silly  With the butterflies stuck beneath You leave your fragrance  I don’t need to figure out how  You just make me feel alive  That’s what matters now!  - Audrey. C

Any place that she would go She would fill it with laughter The one that blooms flowers And a vibe you’d chase after  She could fade out your greys Painting them in all colours new Though her own world darkened  That nobody even knew She’d love you in ways unknown With depth you have never imagined That could be talked in metaphors And undying hope would’ve aligned If you ever asked what she loved It would only make you smile She religiously bred the idea Of making life around worthwhile  If her only presence in your life  Be a tiny cause of your defeat She’d vanish without you knowing And you would accuse her of conceit You would never know what she feels You would maybe not even ask You will never understand the hiding  That comfortably sits behind her mask She’d leave without a reason To save you from the terrible mess You’d believe you were just fooled  And she’d choose being called heartless  - Audrey. C